The life of Yvonne... and her MUSIC

Dreams... Oh how real they are.

2010-10-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

So I'm stealing a few minutes to write in my blog before I forget about what I dreamed about last night. It is of course, related to my former best friend, but it is the first dream I have had of this nature. All of my dreams related to her have been flashbacks to times that were slightly better, although things with her have been on rocks since 10th or 11th grade.

Last night I dreamed that I wrote her a long note about my true feelings, and how I wanted her to find it in her heart to forgive me. As I woke up I was completely disgusted with myself for dreaming of such a thing. I was angry as I moved myself through the motions that are required for me to get ready in the morning. But now I am no longer angry. In fact, I know that what I did in my dream is completely in my nature. I saw a quote that Ilene posted up on her facebook the other day:

"Apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego"

Unfortunately that is exactly what I do. I apologize when I feel like it could save our relationship. Even during the big blow out that ended it all I said "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if whatever I did or said hurt you." However, my apologies weren't accepted and the relationship is now done.

Last night in my dream, I was in my weakest form. I let my emotions get the best of me because that's what happens in dreams. I allowed myself to give in to what my "heart" (excuse the cheesiness) told me, over what my brain and good judgment told me. Although I usually listen to my heart and conscience, this time it will be different. My brain knows best when it comes to me being hurt. I will not give in. I will not apologize because my brain has long since realized that the relationship I had tried so hard to preserve is not worth preserving. We are not good for each other. Note... WE are not good for each other. We're a toxic combination that is only in existence because we were meant to hurt each other. I admit that perhaps I should not have confided in someone I barely knew about something as personal as what I have been struggling with with my best friend, but that is my major flaw. I trust too easily. That's what I did wrong. I still believe I have every right to confide in people when I am feeling that something is wrong, but I now know I need to choose those confidants wisely.

Furthermore, I am not going to write a note to apologize to salvage what is left of this broken friendship. It's not worth it. I've grown up and moved on. But something inside me always tells me that I need to make sure that everybody is on good terms with me. It's sickening and selfish.

I'll probably have to start realizing that in order to be myself, I am going to attract people that dislike me. I'm sure there's already a band of such people out there, and I am ready for whatever they have to throw at me, because that's life.

It's been a while... and it's Christmas!

2007-12-25T11:17:00.001-08:00

So I've been working at abercrombie for about two months now. It's an ok job. I get a nice little discount, and a little paycheck... Not a big paycheck but still something.

Orientation...

2007-10-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

Sooo... today was my orientation at abercrombie kids. Yay. There's no enthusiasm. Glamorous job, yes. Easy, quite. However, it doesn't make much money, and I have to admit 15 minutes is a long drive to get paid minimum wage. But I'll take it, and hopefully hold onto it until I can drive. I feel terribly guilty making my mother drive me all the way out to Ridgedale. She's agreed to, and I'll only be working once or twice a week anyways. Once summer rolls around... or at least once I get my license, I'll be able to drive myself. I regret not listening to my mom and taking driver's ed during the summer.

So discounts go something like this... I start out with 50% off of two tops, one bottom, and an accessory that expires two weeks after activation. I'll probably end up buying the two tops... and maybe the accessory. I don't have much cash at the moment. I get a 30% discount off of all regular priced, and 50% off of two tops, one bottom, and an accessory on a new floor set. I also get 30% off gift cards, I think. So now, I'm pretty much working for the discount. I really want to take advantage of the pants discount... but... I'm not sure if I want to spend $40 on a pair of jeans.

So I'm... "highly encouraged" to buy their clothes.... and I have to wear flip flops to work or converse to work. However, I'm not allowed to wear my black converse....

I wonder if I'll like this job.

Interview...

2007-10-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

I decided to give that abercrombie thing a go. So I went to the interview at 4 PM yesterday, and well, everyone that worked there was Asian pretty much. Weird eh? What happened to the "I only hire caucasians" thing? I was really shocked to see that everyone working at the store was Asian.

The interview was a piece of cake. They asked questions like what is diversity and why is it important. They also asked us what our opinion of the abercrombie style was. It was pretty painless, and it took about thirty minutes. The group interview for the kids store had just two interviewees, while the Abercrombie and Fitch store had like... 8 or something.

At around 6 PM, the interviewer (who I assume is the manager), called me back for orientation on Sunday at 10 AM. I think that means I got the job. That was really easy...

I've been having an issue with a certain friend that picks fights wtih me all the time... She's been arguing a lot about why I shouldn't take this job. First of all, she says it's too far away from my house. It's only about 15-20 minutes away, and that's going to be just as close as any job I'll ever take in the area. Second of all, she says they only hire the super good-looking people, so I probably won't get hired anyways. Wow. I know I'm not the prettiest girl ever, but I didn't think she'd say it that bluntly.

So now I might lose friends because of this goddamn job. I'll probably be the nerdiest employee ever. Considering the fact that I am part of band, marching band, pep band, and knowledge bowl. They hired me without knowing that type of stuff.

Last night was quite eventful! The last football game that will require the attendance of the marching band! That means I won't have to wear my dreadful uniform for a year!

abercrombie...

2007-10-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

So I've recently been attacked by a salesperson at abercrombie... and yes I still shop there because I'm Asian and I'm little... and today they called me back for an interview... What am I supposed to do? I mean, I like their clothes, I like their lifestyle there, but... Am I really ready to commit to a job like that? I guess it'd be a fun job. Buuut.... :] yeah. I'm really mixed up right now.

First Post

2007-10-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

It's that time in my life... it's time to look for a college. I'm torn between getting as far away as possible from this lonely state of Minnesota, or staying around just because I don't want to pay for out-of-state stuff. Decisions, decisions.

This is such a dull first entry, I think it's just because I have a pile of homework ready to consume my life. :]